Saturday, July 28, 2007

Worst. Column. Ever.

Here's a hint for the weary internaut: Reading Wikipedia's soggy prose is a lot more entertaining if you imagine it being read in the voice of Comic Book Guy.

The trick is to master his perfect pedantry, lecturing with the utmost seriousness on facts of the utmost inconsequence. Strive for the tone of an aggrieved intellectual speaking to idiots, as if the only place in the world you can get proper respect is when lording your encyclopedic knowledge over pre-teens in the comic book store you own.

Now, in a tone that's primed to pass judgment, read out the beginning of his Wikipedia profile: "Jeff Albertson, better known as Comic Book Guy, is a fictional character in the animated series The Simpsons. He is the proprietor of the comic book shop, The Android's Dungeon & Baseball Card Shop."

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